i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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