I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
