So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
