Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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