Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
