i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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