Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
