her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
