at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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