I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
