just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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