i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
