We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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