to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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