I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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