I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
