We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
