WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
