Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize