hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
