1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
