I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
