worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
