here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
