So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
