they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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