you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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