he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
