I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
