I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
