dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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