i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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