he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
