I look better un-naked...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize