i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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