Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
