Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You work out of a Hotel?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
