I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
