NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
