this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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