you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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