I just cut my nipple shaving
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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