She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
