Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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