I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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