I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
