Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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