were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
