You're a womanizer and a bitch.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
