what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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