I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
