For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
