yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
