How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
