Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
