Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
