Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
