She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
