I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
