Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
