If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you win again, gameday.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
